Last Cigarette

Quit smoking yesterday - yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Again?"
Well, fair dos. I know I've said it before, but this time....
Well who knows. I'm not gonna kid myself, all I know is that I've been having difficulty breathing lately and it's just a bit silly to keep at it eh!

Late yesterday afternoon, I sat with what would have been the 2nd cigarette of the day in hand along with the lighter, as though I were just going to finish typing and then go out on the balcony to smoke it.
Almost an hour later, I realised I was still sitting there holding the fag & lighter and still typing or reading or whatever. I also realised that the reason I hadn't yet gone outside and lit up, was not because I was too busy typing/reading/whatever, but because my body was trying to breathe normally. I'd sat there, taking in huge gulps of air, holding it, letting go, repeating the sequence (quite noisily, I might add) for ages. What was my mind thinking?!
"Maybe when you can finally catch your breath properly, you can go and have that ciggie"!!!
Agh! My breathing has become tense again, just thinking about it! How can I let my mind, or at least the nicotine addicted part of it, make me so stupid!

So, anyway, I put the ciggie and lighter back in the kitchen drawer (where I've been keeping them out of sight, but clearly not out of mind) and decided to leave it. Later on in the evening, when I was still trying hard to breathe normally I decided that enough was enough! I took the almost full pack of cigarettes and put them in the kitchen bin. I didn't even take them out of the packet and cut or break them up one by one as I've done in the past; I know there is no way I'm going to let myself become so desperate as to hunt stubbies from the bin - disgusting I know, but it has been done before as all you ex and current smokers who've tried to quit know all too well!

This morning, I emptied the ashtray and thought about hiding it away. Again, there is no need this time. I simple put it back in the corner of the balcony for visitors who may wish to partake. I'm not going to get all preachy and expect everyone else to give up. Preaching didn't make any difference to me; made me want to smoke more if anything. Quitting is a very personal decision and your body will tell you when it's time; hopefully, like me, you'll listen to it.

My breathing is still out of whack, but hopefully the yoga will help as well as my new smoke free existence - feels good already - I am no longer a slave!
.......and so on and so on